Thursday, January 31, 2008
Joke - Resume Errors
"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
"Proven ability to track down and correct errors."
"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."
"Qualifications: No education or experience."
"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
It's best for employers that I not work with people.
Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.
Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
Marital status: often. Children: various.
Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
Finished eighth in my class of ten.
References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
"Proven ability to track down and correct errors."
"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."
"Qualifications: No education or experience."
"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
It's best for employers that I not work with people.
Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.
Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.
Marital status: often. Children: various.
Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
Finished eighth in my class of ten.
References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Weird news - Student Faces Child Porn Charges
The Herald News
FALL RIVER - A college student who mistakenly submitted a compact disc loaded with child pornography images to his professor last week is now facing felony kiddie porn possession charges.
Andrew Erickson, 18, of 57 Lee's River Ave., Swansea, was arrested by Fall River and Swansea police late last week. He has pleaded not guilty to the charge and was released after a family member posted his $500 cash bail.
The Bristol Community College student was to submit his computer information systems final examination on compact disc last week.
But instead of submitting the class work, Erickson allegedly handed in a disc that contained images of children as young as 7-years-old in sexually explicit situations. The disc, according to police reports, listed each youth by age, ranging from 7 to 14.
The professor opened the compact disc while at home last week, and upon realizing what was on the disc, turned it over to Wayne Wood, BCC's director of public safety.
Wood immediately set up a meeting with Fall River Detective Brian Cordeiro, which was held at the Elsbree Street campus last Friday.
Sgt. Ronald Furtado said after viewing the disc, police requested and received a search warrant for Erickson's home. He said Fall River and Swansea police executed the search warrant late last week and found "other items that were taken into evidence," from Erickson's bedroom.
Prior to being arrested, Erickson apparently realized he had handed in the wrong disc to his professor.
Police reports quote an e-mail Erickson sent to his professor, in which he appears to attempt to shift ownership of the disc from himself to an unnamed friend.
"Oh snap, I am sorry. I accidentally gave you my friend's mixed music CD that I meant to keep here and install the music on my computer," Erickson said in an e-mail to his professor. "I found the CD with the (final exam) on it. If there's some way I could send it to you, that would be great.
"I am sorry about that, and hope it didn't affect the grade at all. Again, if I could get that CD back so that I can install the music. Sorry for the mix up."
Erickson is due back in Second District Court for a pretrial hearing Feb. 21.
FALL RIVER - A college student who mistakenly submitted a compact disc loaded with child pornography images to his professor last week is now facing felony kiddie porn possession charges.
Andrew Erickson, 18, of 57 Lee's River Ave., Swansea, was arrested by Fall River and Swansea police late last week. He has pleaded not guilty to the charge and was released after a family member posted his $500 cash bail.
The Bristol Community College student was to submit his computer information systems final examination on compact disc last week.
But instead of submitting the class work, Erickson allegedly handed in a disc that contained images of children as young as 7-years-old in sexually explicit situations. The disc, according to police reports, listed each youth by age, ranging from 7 to 14.
The professor opened the compact disc while at home last week, and upon realizing what was on the disc, turned it over to Wayne Wood, BCC's director of public safety.
Wood immediately set up a meeting with Fall River Detective Brian Cordeiro, which was held at the Elsbree Street campus last Friday.
Sgt. Ronald Furtado said after viewing the disc, police requested and received a search warrant for Erickson's home. He said Fall River and Swansea police executed the search warrant late last week and found "other items that were taken into evidence," from Erickson's bedroom.
Prior to being arrested, Erickson apparently realized he had handed in the wrong disc to his professor.
Police reports quote an e-mail Erickson sent to his professor, in which he appears to attempt to shift ownership of the disc from himself to an unnamed friend.
"Oh snap, I am sorry. I accidentally gave you my friend's mixed music CD that I meant to keep here and install the music on my computer," Erickson said in an e-mail to his professor. "I found the CD with the (final exam) on it. If there's some way I could send it to you, that would be great.
"I am sorry about that, and hope it didn't affect the grade at all. Again, if I could get that CD back so that I can install the music. Sorry for the mix up."
Erickson is due back in Second District Court for a pretrial hearing Feb. 21.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Weird news - Dutch Man Who Calls Himself Tantric Master Breaks Record in NYC, Stands in Ice for 72 Minutes
The Associated Press
NEW YORK - A Dutch man who calls himself a tantric master broke his own world record by standing engulfed in ice for 72 minutes.
Wim Hof, 48, stood on a Manhattan street in a clear container filled with ice for an hour and 12 minutes Saturday.
Hof said he survives by controlling his body temperature through tantric meditation. Tantra is an Eastern tradition of ritual and meditation said to bring followers closer to their chosen deities.
Hof set the world record for full body ice contact endurance in 2004, when he immersed himself in ice for an hour and eight minutes.
Hof's feat kicked off BRAINWAVE, a five-month series of events in New York exploring how art, music, and meditation affect the brain.
NEW YORK - A Dutch man who calls himself a tantric master broke his own world record by standing engulfed in ice for 72 minutes.
Wim Hof, 48, stood on a Manhattan street in a clear container filled with ice for an hour and 12 minutes Saturday.
Hof said he survives by controlling his body temperature through tantric meditation. Tantra is an Eastern tradition of ritual and meditation said to bring followers closer to their chosen deities.
Hof set the world record for full body ice contact endurance in 2004, when he immersed himself in ice for an hour and eight minutes.
Hof's feat kicked off BRAINWAVE, a five-month series of events in New York exploring how art, music, and meditation affect the brain.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Joke - American in Mexico
There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?'
The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."
The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."
Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?"
The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."
The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."
Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?"
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Weird news - Men on Motorcycle Steal Woman's Hair
The Associated Press
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil—Two men on a motorcycle grabbed a woman as she walked to church, pulled out a machete and cut off the waist-length hair she had been growing for two decades, police in Brazil said Thursday.
The woman, a homemaker whose name was not released, told police she was walking to church when she was assaulted late Tuesday, police officer Antonio Williams da Silva said by telephone from the northeastern city of Aracaju.
Da Silva said the woman told authorities she hadn't cut her hair for 20 years.
"It must have been nearly a meter and half (more than four feet) long," da Silva said.
The robbers cut the woman's hair above her shoulders, he said, apparently with the idea of selling it to be fashioned into a wig.
"A hairpiece that size could cost you as much" as $550, da Silva said.
The woman was not injured, but her assailants could be charged with battery if caught.
Da Silva said it was the second recent case of hair robbery in Aracaju.
Similar attacks have occurred in other Brazilian cities, where the demand for human hair is high.
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil—Two men on a motorcycle grabbed a woman as she walked to church, pulled out a machete and cut off the waist-length hair she had been growing for two decades, police in Brazil said Thursday.
The woman, a homemaker whose name was not released, told police she was walking to church when she was assaulted late Tuesday, police officer Antonio Williams da Silva said by telephone from the northeastern city of Aracaju.
Da Silva said the woman told authorities she hadn't cut her hair for 20 years.
"It must have been nearly a meter and half (more than four feet) long," da Silva said.
The robbers cut the woman's hair above her shoulders, he said, apparently with the idea of selling it to be fashioned into a wig.
"A hairpiece that size could cost you as much" as $550, da Silva said.
The woman was not injured, but her assailants could be charged with battery if caught.
Da Silva said it was the second recent case of hair robbery in Aracaju.
Similar attacks have occurred in other Brazilian cities, where the demand for human hair is high.
Weird news - Bracelet Found in Chicken after 25 Years
The Associated Press
FAIRMONT, Minn. (Nov. 29) -- More than two decades after Aaron Giles lost his identity bracelet, he's finding how it was discovered tough to swallow. A meat cutter at Olson Locker in Fairmont came across the shiny object in a chicken gizzard and saw a name, address and phone number engraved on it.
I've heard of livestock swallowing unusual objects, but this situation stands out," Mark Olson, who owns the meat locker, told the Sentinel of Fairmont.
Giles had lived in Fairmont as a child and played hide-and-seek and other games with his brothers in their grandfather's barn near Sherburn.
"I would spend most of my time out at his farm, and that's the only place I can think of that I would have lost it," Giles said about his bracelet on Thursday. The 31-year-old said he thinks the bracelet was lost when he was 4 or 5.
The barn was dismantled a few years ago, and Giles thinks his bracelet was imbedded in materials used to construct another barn in Elmore, about 45 miles away.
The bracelet was found in a chicken that came from an Elmore farm.
Olson was able to track down Giles' father, who had moved to Arizona. Giles, who now lives in Gloucester, Mass., said he received his old bracelet in September.
"It was in pretty immaculate shape. Everything was working on it, and all the engravings on it were still legible," Giles said. "It was quite the surprise.
"Giles said he expects the bracelet to stay in his family for many years to come. "I have no plans on trying to lose it again," he said.
FAIRMONT, Minn. (Nov. 29) -- More than two decades after Aaron Giles lost his identity bracelet, he's finding how it was discovered tough to swallow. A meat cutter at Olson Locker in Fairmont came across the shiny object in a chicken gizzard and saw a name, address and phone number engraved on it.
I've heard of livestock swallowing unusual objects, but this situation stands out," Mark Olson, who owns the meat locker, told the Sentinel of Fairmont.
Giles had lived in Fairmont as a child and played hide-and-seek and other games with his brothers in their grandfather's barn near Sherburn.
"I would spend most of my time out at his farm, and that's the only place I can think of that I would have lost it," Giles said about his bracelet on Thursday. The 31-year-old said he thinks the bracelet was lost when he was 4 or 5.
The barn was dismantled a few years ago, and Giles thinks his bracelet was imbedded in materials used to construct another barn in Elmore, about 45 miles away.
The bracelet was found in a chicken that came from an Elmore farm.
Olson was able to track down Giles' father, who had moved to Arizona. Giles, who now lives in Gloucester, Mass., said he received his old bracelet in September.
"It was in pretty immaculate shape. Everything was working on it, and all the engravings on it were still legible," Giles said. "It was quite the surprise.
"Giles said he expects the bracelet to stay in his family for many years to come. "I have no plans on trying to lose it again," he said.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
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