Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Weird News - Michigan man claims firing from job over waistline
The Associated Press
A 61-year-old Michigan man has sued his former employer, claiming he was fired from a $75,000-a-year salesman's job because of his waistline.
But the employer says Patrick J. Ronayne was let go because of his performance, not his weight.
The Detroit News reports Thursday that Ronayne's lawsuit seeks more than $25,000 from Winston Golf and Winston Manufacturing. It claims weight and age discrimination.
The lawsuit claims the Bloomfield Hills man was let go with a statement "he was not a `flat belly'" and was replaced by a thinner person. Ronayne is listed in state records as 5-foot-11 and 225 pounds.
The businesses are part of Auburn Hills-based 3Sixty Group LLC. Spokesman Garrett Morelock calls the claim "absurd." He says Ronayne wasn't a good salesman.
A 61-year-old Michigan man has sued his former employer, claiming he was fired from a $75,000-a-year salesman's job because of his waistline.
But the employer says Patrick J. Ronayne was let go because of his performance, not his weight.
The Detroit News reports Thursday that Ronayne's lawsuit seeks more than $25,000 from Winston Golf and Winston Manufacturing. It claims weight and age discrimination.
The lawsuit claims the Bloomfield Hills man was let go with a statement "he was not a `flat belly'" and was replaced by a thinner person. Ronayne is listed in state records as 5-foot-11 and 225 pounds.
The businesses are part of Auburn Hills-based 3Sixty Group LLC. Spokesman Garrett Morelock calls the claim "absurd." He says Ronayne wasn't a good salesman.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Joke - Writing's Powerful Message
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.
When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read!”
“Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read!”
“Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Joke - Mirth on British Politics
A group of doctors were talking together at an international conference.
An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks".
A German doctor said, "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks".
A Russian doctor said, "In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks".
The English doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! In Britain we took two arseholes out of Scotland, called Brown and Darling, put them in 10 & 11 Downing Street, and had half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours".
An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks".
A German doctor said, "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks".
A Russian doctor said, "In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks".
The English doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! In Britain we took two arseholes out of Scotland, called Brown and Darling, put them in 10 & 11 Downing Street, and had half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours".
Weird News - One-eyed filmmaker conceals camera in prosthetic
The Associated Press
A one-eyed documentary filmmaker is preparing to work with a video camera concealed inside a prosthetic eye, hoping to secretly record people for a project commenting on the global spread of surveillance cameras.
Canadian Rob Spence's eye was damaged in a childhood shooting accident and it was removed three years ago. Now, he is in the final stages of developing a camera to turn the handicap into an advantage.
A fan of the 1970s televsion series "The Six Million Dollar Man," Spence said he had an epiphany when looking at his cell phone camera and realizing something that small could fit into his empty eye socket.
With the camera tucked inside a prosthetic eye, he hopes to be able to record the same things he sees with his working eye, his muscles moving the camera eye just like his real one.
Spence said he plans to become a "human surveillance machine" to explore privacy issues and whether people are "sleepwalking into an Orwellian society."
He said his subjects won't know he's filming until afterward but he will have to receive permission from them before including them in his film.
His special equipment will consist of a camera, originally designed for colonoscopies, a battery and a wireless transmitter. It's a challenge to get everything to fit inside the prosthetic eye, but Spence has had help from top engineers, including Steve Mann, who co-founded the wearable computers research group at Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
The camera was provided by Santa Clara, California-based OmniVision Inc., a company that specializes in the miniature cameras found in cell phones, laptops and endoscopes.
Zafer Zamboglu, staff technical product manager at OmniVision, said he thinks that success with the eye camera will accelerate research into using the technology to restore vision to blind people.
"We believe there's a good future in the prosthetic eye," he said.
The team expects to get the camera to work in the next month. Spence, who jokingly calls himself "Eyeborg," told reporters at a media conference in Brussels that the camera hidden in a prosthetic eye — the same pale hazel color as his real one — would also let him capture more natural conversations than he would with a bulky regular camera.
"As a documentary maker, you're trying to make a connection with a person," he says, "and the best way to make a connection is through eye contact."
But Spence also acknowledged privacy concerns.
"The closer I get to putting this camera eye in, the more freaked out people are about me," he said, adding people aren't sure they want to hang around someone who might be filming them at any time."
A one-eyed documentary filmmaker is preparing to work with a video camera concealed inside a prosthetic eye, hoping to secretly record people for a project commenting on the global spread of surveillance cameras.
Canadian Rob Spence's eye was damaged in a childhood shooting accident and it was removed three years ago. Now, he is in the final stages of developing a camera to turn the handicap into an advantage.
A fan of the 1970s televsion series "The Six Million Dollar Man," Spence said he had an epiphany when looking at his cell phone camera and realizing something that small could fit into his empty eye socket.
With the camera tucked inside a prosthetic eye, he hopes to be able to record the same things he sees with his working eye, his muscles moving the camera eye just like his real one.
Spence said he plans to become a "human surveillance machine" to explore privacy issues and whether people are "sleepwalking into an Orwellian society."
He said his subjects won't know he's filming until afterward but he will have to receive permission from them before including them in his film.
His special equipment will consist of a camera, originally designed for colonoscopies, a battery and a wireless transmitter. It's a challenge to get everything to fit inside the prosthetic eye, but Spence has had help from top engineers, including Steve Mann, who co-founded the wearable computers research group at Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
The camera was provided by Santa Clara, California-based OmniVision Inc., a company that specializes in the miniature cameras found in cell phones, laptops and endoscopes.
Zafer Zamboglu, staff technical product manager at OmniVision, said he thinks that success with the eye camera will accelerate research into using the technology to restore vision to blind people.
"We believe there's a good future in the prosthetic eye," he said.
The team expects to get the camera to work in the next month. Spence, who jokingly calls himself "Eyeborg," told reporters at a media conference in Brussels that the camera hidden in a prosthetic eye — the same pale hazel color as his real one — would also let him capture more natural conversations than he would with a bulky regular camera.
"As a documentary maker, you're trying to make a connection with a person," he says, "and the best way to make a connection is through eye contact."
But Spence also acknowledged privacy concerns.
"The closer I get to putting this camera eye in, the more freaked out people are about me," he said, adding people aren't sure they want to hang around someone who might be filming them at any time."
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Weird News - Magician who claimed he mailed self admits to hoax
The Associated Press
A magician who posted videos online detailing a "trip" he made in a crate aboard a cargo plane from upstate New York to Las Vegas admitted Tuesday that it was an elaborate hoax.
"It was a publicity stunt right from the start," said Wade Whitcomb, of North Syracuse, after federal officials declared the event a hoax. "If that's what they say, that must be the truth."
"The FBI spoke to Whitcomb; he did not ship himself anywhere. We have no further interest in this," FBI spokesman Richard Kolko said Tuesday.
Whitcomb had claimed he folded himself into a cramped wooden crate for the 26-hour trip on a United Parcel Service truck and a UPS plane. He posted a series of videos online of the purported trip shot with tiny cameras pointed out of the crate and one inside focused on him.
Whitcomb, who goes by the stage name Wade Live, claimed he made the trip last November to publicize a buddy's Web site.
The Transportation Security Administration and the FBI investigated Whitcomb's claim, saying it would violate a number of laws. The Atlanta-based UPS Inc. also investigated.
UPS spokesman Dan McMackin said he couldn't verify the claim.
"To me, it seems like a publicity stunt, and therefore, I think it could be a hoax," he said.
A magician who posted videos online detailing a "trip" he made in a crate aboard a cargo plane from upstate New York to Las Vegas admitted Tuesday that it was an elaborate hoax.
"It was a publicity stunt right from the start," said Wade Whitcomb, of North Syracuse, after federal officials declared the event a hoax. "If that's what they say, that must be the truth."
"The FBI spoke to Whitcomb; he did not ship himself anywhere. We have no further interest in this," FBI spokesman Richard Kolko said Tuesday.
Whitcomb had claimed he folded himself into a cramped wooden crate for the 26-hour trip on a United Parcel Service truck and a UPS plane. He posted a series of videos online of the purported trip shot with tiny cameras pointed out of the crate and one inside focused on him.
Whitcomb, who goes by the stage name Wade Live, claimed he made the trip last November to publicize a buddy's Web site.
The Transportation Security Administration and the FBI investigated Whitcomb's claim, saying it would violate a number of laws. The Atlanta-based UPS Inc. also investigated.
UPS spokesman Dan McMackin said he couldn't verify the claim.
"To me, it seems like a publicity stunt, and therefore, I think it could be a hoax," he said.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Joke - Job Application
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
Joke - WordPerfect Customer Support
Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:
"Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
"Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Joke - Psychotherapist
A psychotherapist, starting from scratch, was having such success in his business that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him and put it above his shop entrance.
But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he began to understand why!
The boy found a small wooden board so he had to split the word in 3 places.
The sign read:
Psycho-
the-
rapist.
But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he began to understand why!
The boy found a small wooden board so he had to split the word in 3 places.
The sign read:
Psycho-
the-
rapist.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Joke - Swimming Contest
In Florida there is a swimming contest.
The contestants are the brunette-Mindy, the redhead-Cindy and the blonde-Sandy.
The second race is the breast stroke.
The order of finish is: the brunette comes in first, the redhead second,... but where is the blonde? She is still racing!
When she gets to the finish line, she complains "THEY CHEATED!"
The judge asks "how?"
The blonde screams... "THEY USED THEIR ARMS!"
The contestants are the brunette-Mindy, the redhead-Cindy and the blonde-Sandy.
The second race is the breast stroke.
The order of finish is: the brunette comes in first, the redhead second,... but where is the blonde? She is still racing!
When she gets to the finish line, she complains "THEY CHEATED!"
The judge asks "how?"
The blonde screams... "THEY USED THEIR ARMS!"
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